Lower Egypt - Part 1 of 2

Set: an Islamic city shrouded in oppressive haze. A cacophony of shouts and honking... vehicles and pedestrians fill the dusty streets, going about their daily lives. A cat looks on from the shadow of a falafel stand. We join our two intrepid travelers, armed only with their good sense and a bottle of immodium...

Pedestrians dart in between flowing traffic -- a real show of faith, like a horror highway crossing frog. Suddenly -- a screech, metallic thunk, and crash -- a lady in a burka on a motorcycle hit by a car -- loaves of bread flying -- but she's okay. She gets up, brushes herself off, rides another day.

There's some shouting over there but it seems like friendly shouting -- shouting is required because of all the honking. The local muezzin chants his version of a reverent call to prayer; at times and places, the invocations overlap into devout discord. There isn't a place in the city where one cannot hear the call -- and the muezzin in the biggest, most beautiful mosque -- he has the best voice.

The scent of fried food and fresh aish baladi wafts to your nostrils in the sweltering heat, a whispered promise of a satisfying meal and definitely diarrhea.

What were you doing? You'd let the thoughts cogitate in your mind, floating and heaving about like laundry in a top-load washer -- but it's so incredibly hot, hotter than you've ever experienced, hotter than the surface of the sun, for sure -- at least on the sun you'd be able to wear shorts ---- but instead your thoughts are totally absent, you're running on autopilot, life support systems are minimal. Good luck reading the interpretive signage about Thutmose the Third and his four sons. This is your brain in 115 degree heat.

Good luck staying hydrated.

The air is thick with dust (is this a sandstorm? your last two neurons idly wonder), the blue of sky totally obscured – a distant memory.

Taxi?, taxi? Bedlam, entropy.

It's taken me a long time to work through the stack of photos and gather the gumption to write this post. We've been quite busy in Thailand in the interim including dealing with a surprise bout of debilitating achilles tendonitis. Even if not for that, I don't know if I could have banged out the Egypt post (now 2 posts) that quickly -- the trip was a heady experience, like drifting through the smoky haze of a hookah bar.

Here are two opinions about Egypt that we came across accidentally:

A comment on a Reddit thread under r/travel, about the relative difficulty of visiting a country: "Egypt is a country you work up to -- start with say, Turkey, then Mexico, Morocco, and finally Egypt. It's not for the faint of heart."

Secondly -- a Dutch ex-Cairene in the airport told us Cairo was her favorite city in the world and to "Get ready for some intense third world energy".

Political correctness aside, we both had preconceived notions about what Egypt would be like, and the country exceeded those expectations.

We walked out of the border crossing and someone immediately came up to us offering a taxi. "Yes, please – to Dahab." It was around 6:30pm and the sun had just set. We had all the wariness of two mice released into an aquarium filled with snakes.

We knew it was about a two hour drive to get to Dahab, a sleepy Bedouin fishing village on the east coast of the Sinai, beloved by backpackers and a mecca for diving. We were passed off from the taxi offerer to a taxi driver in a galabiya, and led deep into a parking lot full of taxis and minivans, finally reaching a derelict 9 seater filled with burgundy vinyl trim. "Please wait," the man said, and departed without another word.

We climbed into the back of the van and waited, unsure of what would happen next. We eventually supposed our driver would be looking for more individuals to fill out the seats. After 30 minutes four more passengers appeared, Israeli teenagers, and we departed, quite the rowdy bunch. Except for us, because while we were 99% certain we wouldn't be abducted and held for ransom -- the world is an unpredictable place.

We hardly made it out of the town before we reached the first checkpoint -- several armed guards who wanted to see our passports and our entry visas. "Sure, here you go." Close inspection yielded nothing suspicious, so we were allowed to continue.

After we cleared the city the van took off down the two lane road at a blistering speed. Night fell, and we passed through several armed checkpoints, but mostly through empty desert. The four young men sang songs to pass the time as we bounced along in the back seat, caressed by the open window and warm desert air.

We had told the driver we needed to go by an ATM, so about halfway between Taba and Dahab we pulled off into a town and stopped. Not for an ATM though -- no, the driver needed a snack at the convenience store. Okay... we continued our journey for a few minutes and then we stopped at an ATM. It was out of cash though, so we got back in the van and continued. Several more kilometers down the road we stopped again, at a a gas station, but not for gas. We waited for a few minutes for some unknown activity to be completed. We then continued, and eventually made it to a second ATM where we were able to withdraw some money to pay for our journey. We passed through a few more checkpoints, each seeming more lax than the last. The final checkpoint the armed guard didn't even look at the van.

After what seemed like a very long time -- really only two and a half hours -- we arrived in town and told the driver to take us to El Fanar (the lighthouse) street. The road was marked by a 4 meter tall wooden lighthouse, string lights lending a festive atmosphere, and a handful of people walking around at the late hour. We were dropped off near Ralph's German Bakery, armed with daytime photos of how to find our airbnb in the Bedouin village.

We wandered down the alley in the dark, assertively, to deter any would-be ne'er-do-wells, looking for the purple door that would lead us to relative safety. Around a corner... found it! We eagerly opened the door to an exterior courtyard and found the key to get inside.

We washed our hands when we got in... and as Vitali was almost done washing the water stopped flowing. Shortly after that we discovered the toilet wouldn't flush either?! We messaged our host who had us first press a switch on the wall. Confusion, but we complied. When the pressing of the switch did not result in the desired outcome the host advised a neighbor would come by and check. We thought they would knock on our door but after about 30 minutes our host told us to try the switch again -- and sure enough the water began working again. The toilet however, was still broken. We could flush manually though, and someone would come by in the morning.

Aiieee.

Above left, our small courtyard, and right, the alley to our airbnb.

Our airbnb had a kitchen (complete with a propane powered oven with an ignition switch that didn't work), a sink, washing machine, and a fridge. We also had a small living room, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. The shower head had to be held by hand because the wall bracket had the water shoot out 90 degrees from the wall. There was also no shower enclosure -- the toilet and surrounds would get completely hosed down with every shower -- which is also how we filled the toilet tank.

The few windows were very small, textured and tinted to keep out the harsh sun. For $35/night we thought it was more than adequate, plus we had the private outdoor area. And a hammock on the sketchiest wall hook -- barely anchored and hardly any hook left -- the wire was almost straight. We didn't test it.

In the morning we went outside to inspect our place in the daylight and found we had a cat and small chicken in the yard. The cat disappeared soon after but we filled the ashtray outside with water and the chicken approached and started drinking.

We had planned on staying in Dahab for a week to get dive certified – but that was nixed once we read the PADI bulletin on covid. They recommend you wait at least a month after you stop coughing, and to check with a doctor first. So we cut our visit back to four days.

The only thing we wanted to achieve today however, was to acquire groceries and relax after the stress of the border crossing. So we did just that, walking along an interior street through town to a grocery store we found on google maps.

As we walked we could see the ocean through glimpses of open gates and courtyards -- but weren't sure about how to get out there. We made it to the store and picked up a few items inside: cheese, coffee, salt, frozen burgers, eggs, and rice. That was about all I could find that I could read or knew was safe to eat. We paid and then walked across the road to a fruit market and bought 3 small honeydew melons, 12 bananas, 4 oranges, 3 apples, 8 potatoes, 2 avocados, and a 12lb watermelon for $8, which were all weighed on an old-fashioned scale with handheld weights.

We headed back, picking up a 20L container of water along the way. We tried the fruit -- delicious -- and gave some watermelon to the chicken, who eagerly ate our offering. The plumber showed up later that day and magically repaired the toilet.

The next day we found the road 5 minutes from our airbnb that connects to a pedestrian walk that faced the sea -- lined with hotels, shops, restaurants, and dive offices.

It was actually quite charming! We continued south, past many hotels. There didn't seem to be too many people here. Eventually the buildings petered out but the sidewalk continued, past unfinished construction, and eventually to the Magic Lake.

So named after it's incredible blue color. We continued down to the end of the sandbar where people were enjoying various water sports. We were surprised by how beautiful the ocean was -- the sand was a rich terracotta color, and the sea varying shades of cerulean and jade. For $35 a night, we could see why Israelis were climbing over each other to get here!

We walked back north to town and through a tourist market, gandering at all the souvenirs for sale. I spied some Bedouin textiles that looked appealing but figured we could come back later. Spoiler: we didn't come back later and it took a lot of searching to find what I was looking for in Cairo!

The next day we wanted to go see the Blue Hole, a famous wall dive and snorkel site just a few kilometers to the north. We looked for a dive shop and asked if there were any tours going. They told us we could come along with a dive but she recommended we just take a taxi up there and rent snorkel gear on the beach.

So that's what we did. We only had to change our posture to 'looking for something' and we were immediately approached by a taxi driver.

"Where do you want to go?"

"The Blue Hole, how much?"

"Well well well", the taxi driver replied, "this will cost you 250LE. But you will also need permission, which we can get over in this building right here, and that will cost another 350LE." (At the time of visit, the exchange rate was about 1USD to 19LE.)

I looked at the building in question -- obviously this was this guy's brother's tour shop, and I could smell the bullshit from here. I started questioning him -- "Why do we need permission, and on whose authority?" The taxi driver attempted to explain -- "There are checkpoints and you need 'permission' to go further than the Canyon (another dive site)." I told him nevermind, and that we would walk the 5km and find out at the checkpoint for ourselves. He said "Wait," -- and an older gentleman came over and started arguing with him. Both the lady in the dive shop and the internet had not mentioned anything about extra fees besides the fee for the national park at the Blue Hole so I was highly skeptical.

Eventually the young man turned to us and said "I will take you, but you will have to 'play along' to pass the checkpoints."

The whole drive there (agonizingly long due to a terrible unpaved road) he kept trying to convince us he was telling the truth. We eventually reached the checkpoint and the taxi driver told the guard we were Americans going to the Canyon. After we passed he thanked us for playing along and dropped us off in front of a cafe.

We walked up the steps into the cafe and asked to rent some snorkel gear. It cost about $2 for a mask. We left our clothes on the colorful floor pillows and went to the water, which was pretty cold in the morning air.

We waded in and swam around half of the wall. The seas were pretty rough and my mask kept leaking so we didn't go to the outer half. Vitali was very careful to not drop his phone... Lots of relatively healthy corals, some fish, giant clams (which we had never seen), and the ropes and buoys of divers, completely shrouded deep in the abyss.

Neat! We got out and laid down in the sun on some loungers that were set up on the edge of the street facing the water and ordered some Bedouin Tea, which was quite unique -- flavors of anise and cardamom and other spices I can't name. We watched as groups of divers started showing up and preparing to enter.

After an hour we decided to start walking back. We didn't want to deal with another taxi driver so we just headed down the road, saying no thank you multiple times, until we finally asked -- okay -- how much? This guy only asked for 100LE so we said sure and hopped in.

We grabbed some snacks back in town, and started planning the next part of our trip.

We booked a flight from Sharm El-Sheikh to Cairo on the 22nd as it was substantially cheaper than the day before (when our airbnb in Dahab was due to check-out) so we decided to spend a night in Sharm rather than trying to get transport from Dahab the day of the flight (about an hour drive). I found a well-rated resort on the beach with breakfast that was only $81 for an ocean-view, so I booked it.

In the morning we packed up and hailed a taxi. To Sharm El-Sheikh please! We were quoted a reasonable amount and hopped in. Although after 10 minutes, our driver mysteriously turned around and headed back into town. What was going on? He explained to us in broken english -- "Just to wait a few minutes." We arrive at a little area of shops on the main street in town and park. We get out and wait. 10 minutes. 15 minutes. A red truck pulls up and our driver motions for us to come over. Red truck driver says -- "Just to wait a few minutes," -- and eventually after some confused questioning we understand they either don't want or can not drive to Sharm. Perhaps there was some sort of taxi zone requirements and they didn't have the right license to drive out of town -- was the driver yesterday not talking out of his ass? Someone was able to drive out of town though, and they were coming.

So we waited some more. I had planned leaving Dahab at a certain time so we would arrive in Sharm right at check-in -- to maximize resort usage -- but that plan was blown out of the water. As we waited we watched an armored vehicle accompanied by two cop cars pull up to service an ATM. Interesting.

Eventually -- a minibus came through and we were motioned to get on, awesome -- we were on the way. More empty desert with surprisingly tall mountains, very visually similar to Death Valley in the US. We made it into town and were told we had to get off -- he could not drop us off at our hotel. I suspect now that there are taxi cartels -- small taxis service in-town, mini-busses only service between towns, rather than any actual government regulation. We got off and found a smaller minibus that would take us direct to the resort.

We checked into our hotel and were given a tour. In the buffet restaurant the concierge asked if I had any food allergies -- and when I told her I did, she brought over the head chef and he told me what I could and couldn't eat. They also sent an allergy card up to the room later with a nice clipart of a stalk of wheat with a big red stamped no circle.

We were golf carted to our room which had a spectacular view of the Straits of Tiran, although it only had two twin beds instead of a double. It was very nicely appointed though! Sidebar: If you are an Egyptian citizen and want to rent a room with a member of the opposite sex you need to show a marriage certificate.

We walked around the resort for a bit, which was nicely landscaped. The beach was pretty but you couldn't wade out into the water to protect the coral right offshore.

We hit the giant pool for a few hours, then decided to walk out of the property to find some food. Outside, it was totally barren. I'm sure the hotels had an agreement with the shops outside to not sell anything substantial. I was able to procure 6 bags of chips and that was it. They did have some sun faded boxes of walnuts that expired two years earlier but I passed on those.

We decided to order some room service for dinner since we were starving. I ordered a cheese plate which I hoped would be safe and Vitali had a sandwich. It took me a few minutes to get the woman taking room service orders to understand that I wanted the cheese PLATTER and not a cheese BURGER.

Our flight the next day was at 9:20PM so we paid another $70(!) to stay in the room until 6pm. We chilled at the pool mostly and when it was time to go, we were fleeced another $20 to ride 2km to the airport. I'm starting to see a pattern here.

"Do you need to go right now?" the concierge asked. We said "Well no, but we'd like to go as soon as possible." We then remembered it was Ramadan and almost sunset, oops.

We were dropped off and immediately and aggressively told a man who approached us with a cart to not touch our bags but he grabbed them anyway and led us inside -- where security guards at the entrance checked our passports and waved us through. He told us to sit and wait here until we were allowed to go through security. We were waiting on all the airport staff to break their fast so we sat down and waited. We handed the asshole a 50LE to leave us alone (because so far no one had wanted to give us small notes as change), and he left.

If you recall -- my e-visa application had been denied because I left out my middle name and when we passed through Taba, the immigration officers said I could get the visa in person at the airport in Sharm. We talked to a girl who was also waiting to go through security about this and she reassured us that we could get the visa when we landed in Cairo. But I was pretty sure visa on arrival only worked for international flights -- so we decided to go check out Terminal 1 (the international terminal) to see about where I could get one. As we walk outside this guy who was in plain dress but had an ID badge around his neck asked us what we needed. A visa? He can help. $25, USD ONLY. Why is an immigration requirement in Egypt only accepted in USD? A great question of the universe, one we may never know the answer to. We only had pounds.

This guy walks us over to 5 loiterers hanging outside the door to the terminal smoking... anyone have USD? Everyone eventually pulls out their wallet and comes up with $25 which we paid for at a so-so exchange rate. Cash in hand we headed over to Terminal 1 to ostensibly obtain a visa. So we walk through a construction zone between the two terminals, skirting rebar and trash, and get to the front door. They check our passports but Vitali is not allowed to enter.

Okay... I feel less than safe following this man into the empty terminal alone but Vitali could see inside through the glass exterior wall. We walked a ways and stopped at a metal detector that led to a staff area and the man told me to wait. I looked at Vitali through the glass.

The man disappears for 5 minutes and actually comes back with a sticker in my passport! Until I saw it I couldn't believe it. As we are walking away he speaks to me low -- 200LE. And I state in shock -- "200 pounds!" but I just hand it to him because I'm tired of dealing with this. He disappears into the night.

That was our first real experience with baksheesh, a tip for service. Baksheesh is central to getting things done in Egypt. We would quickly learn, everyone expects a baksheesh, even if they did you no service at all.

We walk back to Terminal 2, quite glad to have gotten that all sorted out.

By the time we had come back the entire airport staff was almost done breaking their fast. Everyone seemed to be back at their stations but we waited a bit more, just to be sure, and finally approached after we saw some new arrivals head straight to the baggage screening and metal detector line.

The uniforms asked to see our passports and gave them a close inspection. We watched as another tourist had his bag grabbed by -- staff? and placed on the conveyor -- and the man was now waiting for a baksheesh. The tourist flat our refused and the man hounded him right up until he walked through the metal detector.

We passed through and were given a very aggressive pat down. Then we walked 20 steps and were pointed towards the 'bomb unit' where they took a look at us and waved us through. Now we were free to check-in at the airline counter. The airline rep took our passports and was about to finish printing out our boarding passes -- when he realizes wait a second -- this visa isn't fully processed!

Dismayed (appalled? disgusted?) that plain clothed but badged man asked for a 200LE baksheesh after not actually helping us do anything at all, the airline rep walked us over to the immigration desks around the corner. Six men in white uniforms were standing around and pretty much ignore our approach. After a second the rep butts in and describes the situation. I suppose (because I don't speak Arabic) that eventually it appears that what Needs to Happen Next has been discussed. They inspect my passport and visa but it's not good, no, sorry. I suppose the immigration officer tells the airline rep I need a letter from a tour company sponsoring me.

This is relayed to us in broken English and there is plenty of confusion and increasing worry. We ask the airline rep what are we supposed to do? And he is hesitant to help and says -- "You will need to find a tour operator, perhaps here in the terminal."

"Or maybe you can call the hotel you stayed at, they will have a tour company they use." So I call the resort and the front desk is actually very willing to help and say they can call a friend and to call them back in 10 minutes, which is what I do. When I call back, the front desk tells me their friend doesn't have anyone who can come out to the airport.

We go back to the airline rep who must have taken pity on us and said to just sit here, he might have a friend he can call, and that he will help us. He returns our checked bag though, an ominous sign. So we sit and wait, but are also scoping around hoping to spy a tour operator. I eventually see a guy come in with a large group of people and a lanyard -- and I go talk to him -- he is indeed a tour operator -- but he can't help us and says to go over to the immigration desk and ask for a visa amendment. That's what we need. So I go over to the immigration desks again, and ask if I can get an amendment. After some discussion with another officer during which I seriously but not seriously contemplate attempting to bribe him -- No, I can't get an amendment, I need the sponsor letter.

Which by the way doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I can apply for an e-visa online with no sponsor letter required.

At this point the possibility of us missing this flight is getting very real. We sit dejectedly with our bags and wait. At around 8:00pm the airline rep comes over and says I just talked to my friend, and he is supposed to call me back in 5 minutes.

15 minutes more pass The airline rep comes over to us and calls this guy, puts him on speakerphone. No response. He tries again, and again, no response. He says he just talked to him a minute ago!

So we sit back down and wait, resigning ourself to going back to the resort for the night. Suddenly, a man appears, carrying a briefcase and a piece of paper. We watch him like a hungry cat watching a can of approaching wet food. He speaks to the airline rep but then he disappears. Some more time passes.

At around 8:45, a jovial man comes over and greets us warmly. He shows us a business card -- 'Freelance Guide, Remon, English and Russian.' Tour Guide, Savior. "I can help you, please come with me." He walks me over to the immigration counter for the third time (Vitali has to wait), and hands a signed paper to the uniform. The uniform stamps my passport, and my visa has been amended.

He only charges me 900LE and we gladly handed him our last 1000, feeling quite fortunate we had enough money to make it through this gauntlet tonight.

We have about 20 minutes to boarding so we check our bag again, get our passes, and head to the gate -- which is, rather mysteriously, NOT in the direction of the sign that says "domestic flights". It's the other way. We get in line to go through a SECOND metal detector, baggage scan, and aggressive frisk (Vitali had his hairbun squeezed). I am frisked by a woman who clearly is on the first bad day of a covid infection, complete with wet cough. I watched her as we waited in line -- taking off her mask to cough and blow her nose. I don't breathe as she pats me down and I don't breathe until I'm a good 10 feet away.

Just as the gate is nearly in sight -- wait -- one more check -- this guy has to look INSIDE our carry-on bags (and open and turn on Vitali's laptop), and then, seemingly just for good measure, a man records our passport numbers by pen in a ledger.

We talk to the Dutch girl again who gives us some tips on visiting Cairo and then get in line to board the plane. ONE MORE passport check! This is a domestic flight, mind you. Finally we are on the plane.

The flight was uneventful -- I'm pretty sure Vitali thought we were going to crash at any second -- but we landed in Cairo International without further physical or emotional harm. Cairo International was quite new and modern -- but I could see the taxi touts hovering just outside the international arrival exit, waiting to swoop in on their prey. We had to get some more cash first -- and waited in line for about 30 minutes to access the ATMs. Finally -- ready -- I had arranged a pick-up through our hotel because I didn't want to deal with meeting up with an uber in a strange airport at 11pm.

So we find our guy, a friendly young man who drives us 30 minutes to downtown Cairo to our hotel. It's dark, there are thousands of people roaming the street (it's like midnight at this point), and finally we get to where our hotel should be. We unload and hand the taxi man 300LE.

At that very moment the host of the inn popped out and said -- did you just pay the taxi man? You can pay me. The taxi man seemed a little disappointed but returned our money and left. We followed the host through a narrow hallway of scarves for sale and up deeply worn marble steps to the third floor. In our bleary state we noted how tall the ceilings were -- at least 14 or 15 feet, and incredible huge tall doors.

We were given a room with a balcony (which was an upgrade) as I think we were almost the only people staying in the inn (maybe 6 rooms in the whole place). When we entered the room we immediately noticed how loud it was inside. A lot of street noise was coming in through the door -- lots of honking, voices, and the sound of tires and engines. We noted we needed to buy earplugs, ate the few snacks we had with us, showered, and went to sleep.

In the morning we looked outside to see what to make of our new surroundings. A lovely art nouveau balcony greeted us, and an interesting urban view. The buildings around us were beautiful -- all of the floor to floor heights were extra tall like our building (I suspect to take advantage of air temperature stratification), and all in a neo-baroque style that was wholly unique to the middle east. Down from our balcony we could see a large terrace that had what looked to be a high quality antique wooden dresser, just sitting, collecting dust. We noted that everything outside was covered in a thick layer of dust.

We were served breakfast in our room: aish baladi, eggs, beans, and some snacks which would become ubiquitous during our stay -- fig jam, triangles of some sort of soft sweet cheese, and honey. We ate the food, hoping we wouldn't die of dysentery, and prepared to go explore.

Fortunately for tourists -- uber is available in Cairo and we did not have to avail ourselves to the whims of unmetered taxi drivers. We called an uber to Coptic Cairo, which was ridiculously cheap, a contributing factor to the horrific traffic in Cairo. We took 5 uber trips that day, all around the city, for about $7.

I later read the World Bank's traffic congestion report on Cairo and learned that traffic is so bad here it equates to economic costs of 4% of the country's GDP per year (approximately 8 billion USD). To compare -- NYC's economic losses to delays and wasted fuel are about .07% of the USD GDP per year. Along with cheap gas, vehicle breakdowns, almost a total lack of traffic lights and parking spaces, security checkpoints, badly managed u-turns, and poor driver behaviour -- means that a trip taken during peak hours -- will be more than double the expected amount of time.

Our uber driver who taught English fervently talked to us about how much of a shame it was that they don't teach Egyptian schoolchildren about their rich architectural history.

We got dropped off at a gate with an armed guard and hesitantly walked through. Nobody stopped us so we assumed we were in the right place. Coptic Cairo is where all of the Coptic Christian churches are (and one synagogue -- according to wikipedia -- there are 12 jews left in Egypt).

Christianity is a minority in Egypt, something like 10% of the population are adherents. We walked to St. George's Church, a large church in the round, which appeared to be holding mass so we didn't linger.

We headed to the Hanging Church next, the earliest iteration of which dates to the third century -- styled after Noah's Ark, and so named because it was built above a gatehouse of Babylon Fortress -- it's nave is suspended over a passageway. There's a picture below looking through a piece of scratched up glass where you can see the daylight underneath.

A lot of beautiful woodwork and surface decoration that I would not have expected in a Christian building. We left and continued on foot, not really sure where we were going until we saw the sign for the Cavern Church, which I had read about online. This church, dating to the 4th century, is mostly underground and is said to have housed Joseph, Mary, and Jesus while they rested during their journey into Egypt. It was sweltering hot inside so we didn't linger long.

We wandered around outside some more and ended up in the cemetery which was surprisingly busy. There was a family having a picnic with a lost loved one, a sobbing woman alone, a whole lot of people just walking down the main thoroughfare and a few cars squeezing their way through the fray. Then a small child came running up to us, touching our forearms while saying "money money money money money".

We booked it and made it to a main road and called an uber to take us to the Citadel of Saladin. I got the sense that Egyptian uniforms did not like you taking pictures of non-tourist things so when I saw whatever the below was and no uniforms around I felt compelled to photograph with wild abandon.

The Citadel, now a UNESCO world heritage site, held the seat of government and residence of Egypt's rulers from the 12th to 19th centuries. We wandered around inside and entered (after removing our shoes and covering my hair) the Al-Nasir Muhammad Mosque, which was quite beautiful, and is apparently very similar to how it looked in the 13th century.

Then we walked to the building dominating the skyline -- the Mosque of Muhammad Ali, also known as the alabaster mosque, dating to the mid 19th century. The silvery domes were glaringly bright.

We walked around the building first, and as we got to the back -- which had a huge overlook of Cairo -- the noon time call to prayer began which was quite evocative. You could hear several muezzins from this overlook, although the resident one here was the loudest. Their voices mingled with each other in a not un-harmonious way. Cairo is known as "the city of a thousand minarets" and we could see hundreds poking up above the skyline.

We also noticed the ever-present haze that would stalk our entire trip as we looked at out the breadth of the old city. We conferred with two cats and then headed back to the front of the mosque to enter inside.

First we entered the courtyard which was extraordinarily beautiful. Islamic architecture features a lot of symmetry and geometric repetition, which created overall very pleasing compositions.

We entered the dark interior of the mosque and were blown away. The suspended glass globes created the lightest veil as ceiling, only accentuating the ornate domes above. It was a lovely effect.

Wow! We left the mosque quite moved, wandered around the citadel a bit more, and then headed back to the main road to uber to the two mosques we could see from the panoramic point -- the Mosque-Madrasa of Sultan Hassan and the Al-Rifa'i Mosque.

On the way we saw a car hit a motorcycle but the guy seemed okay. We paid something like 40LE to enter the mosques. The larger mosque on the left dates to the 14th century and the one on the right was built later, in the 19th century, to both complement the original and call back to the golden era of Cairo. The two did have a very nice architectural synergy, especially in the interstitial space between the two.

We saw an adorable family of black cats outside. Unfortunately, one of the kittens seemed to have a pretty bad eye infection...

At both mosques they had a shoe-minder who of course required a 5LE baksheesh to get our shoes back. The new mosque had very slender interior spaces. The old mosque was quite dramatic with spaces hugely scaled.

We admired then left, grabbing another uber to a grocery store, where we bought some yogurt, tuna, and fruit juice. While waiting for an uber back to the hotel we were approached on the street by an old man carrying a container of cookies. We were reluctant to engage given our recent experiences but talked to him anyway and it seemed like he just wanted to chat. He used to be a tour guide and was bringing home (as he patted his belly) a popular type of cookie eaten during Ramadan.

Our uber showed up and we said goodbye to the old man. We scurried back into the hotel, ate our sad dinner of yogurt and tuna, tried to relax, and went to sleep.

The next day we went to the Al-Azhar mosque, dating to the year 972, the oldest mosque in Cairo. Scholars were hired to this mosque and eventually established the second oldest continuously operating university in the world. It is considered the foremost place to study Sunni theology. I don't know if my outfit was particularly inappropriate (leggings with a long sleeve shirt that covered my butt) or if they made all women do this -- but they made me put on a full length brown robe to enter (and my hair was already covered).

People were gathering to pray so we didn't enter the interior portion. The courtyard was quite pretty though.

I was starting to realize everyone we've been interacting with -- were 95% men. People walking down the street -- mostly men. Shop owners, hotel staff, all men. Here though there were women handing out robes for tourists to wear -- any direct interaction with a woman required a woman. And when we interact with men -- even though I do most of the talking -- they all address back Vitali, instead of me.

We walked about 30 minutes up the road to Al-Azhar park, which is a beautiful green space built on top of the old city dump. A descendent of the Fatimid Caliph was visiting Cairo in the 80s and looking out from his hotel -- ruins, wreckage, and trash (which is a very odd thing about the built environment here -- if you look out anywhere over roofs it looked like a bomb had been dropped in the vicinity -- piles of rubble, rebar poking out, etc.).

So the Caliph donated $30 million USD to turn the literal 500 year old garbage dump into a park.

We found a gate to enter but the gate didn't open until 11, so we walked to the other gate a short distance away. As we walked a view of the City of the Dead was on prime display. It houses tombs, mausoleums, and cemeteries of royalty, historical figures, and the common population (both dead and living). The 20th century brought rapid urbanization to Egypt and a mass migration -- resulting in people building or inhabiting whatever structures were available, including here among the dead. The dutch girl told us to visit this but it seemed too macabre and a little inappropriate so we were satisfied with viewing from afar.

We made it to the entry of the park -- where some Egyptians boldly cut in front of us in line (we were also starting to see they were big line-cutters here too). Entry was a few dollars or so but when we went to walk through the bag inspection they told me I couldn't bring my camera, or it was an additional 300LE to take photos. So I said okay, I'll put it in my backpack, but they refused. So I paid 300LE to take my camera into a park.

The park was filled with beautiful contemporary architecture with Egyptian flair, water, greenery, and puppies. A verdant oasis in a hot, dry, and dusty scape.

We were there in the middle of Ramadan so all of the food stalls and restaurants were closed. Most of the fountains were shut off too except for the one by the main gate.

We went back to the hotel, ate tuna for lunch, and got an uber to the National Museum of Egyptian Civilization, which was approached by a huge ramped and paved plaza, filled with giant light fixtures with upside down pyramids on top.

Apparently we had just missed by a few months the Pharoahs' Golden Parade when they moved the royal mummies from the Old Egyptian Museum to here in a grand parade through the city.

We were quite impressed by the museum. Contemporary architecture, high quality displays, lighting, and signage. I did have to pay another 300LE to bring my camera in and someone even checked that it had a ticket while we were looking at exhibits inside. Very spooky ethereal music played in the background. One google reviewer thought the music was weird and didn't like it but I thought it set the mood for a step back into antiquity.

We saved the Royal Mummies downstairs for last. No photography allowed -- and when one teenager starting snapping photos a uniform swooped down on her and made her delete the pictures. We walked through narrow hallways of pitch black floors, ceilings, and walls lit very moodily -- probably only 5 footcandles of illumination. Labyrinthine rooms focused on one mummy at a time -- Queen Hatshepsut -- Thutmose the I, II, III, Ramses IV, etc., etc. We saw some images of CT scans, masks, sarcophagi, and even the desiccated faces of the pharoahs' worldly remains reverberating across the millenia. Creepy!

We got an uber back to our hotel and enjoyed another meal of yogurt and tuna. The next morning we'd have to travel from downtown Cairo to Giza to visit the pyramids but first we had one more thing to see downtown -- we left our bags with the front desk and walked over to the old Egyptian Museum. I snapped this picture and a traffic cop across the street shouted 'No Photos!'.

The building was beautiful, the oldest archaeological museum in the middle east, built in the early 20th century. We wandered around trying to find the entrance until the throng of tourists picked us up in their stream. We fended off a few guides outside, paid for our ticket, and were pleased to see the camera was free.

The museum was more like a giant warehouse filled to the brim with antiquities. Maybe 10% of the objects had a sign accompanying them so unfortunately we weren't sure what we were looking at most of the time. I remembered a bit from Art and Architecture in Africa 402 but not a whole lot. The museum is also in the process of moving to the new Grand Egyptian Museum which was supposed to open last year but is being finished now.

It was still a super cool experience. Literally, corpses and sarcophagi just stacked in display case after display case. Giant rooms each filled to the brim with farming tools, toys, funerary statuary, papyrus, etc., etc.. It was exhausting to look at everything. King Tutankhamen's artifacts were all here in a no-photo area too. His spectacular death mask and the solid gold inner sarcophagus weighing almost 250 pounds...

We finished up at the museum and then took an uber to the Khan El-Khalili market, a maze-like open-air shopping district. The first uber had bad gps coverage and dropped us off on the side of the highway after missing our turn (because google maps was wrong -- we were in a tunnel and no turn existed). So we had to order another uber to get the rest of the way... We got dropped off at the 'local' portion first, and wandered through extremely narrow alleys of anything you'd need for sale -- clothes, food, household items, etc., etc. When I say extremely narrow I mean at some points two people could pass each other and that was it. We didn't get too many stares so we continued on until we made it to the tourist part of the market, filled with overpriced junk.

I was determined to find some bedouin style rugs or pillow covers since seeing them in Dahab so we set about searching. The problem with shopping here is if you show interest and then upon closer inspection are not interested -- the vendor will hound you until you are a considerable distance away. I eventually found a small catchall I liked with inlaid alabaster and tried haggling with the shop keep but he wanted an outrageous amount -- 600LE for a little 5" bowl. We left.

I passed another shop filled with those containers -- and took a look. The shop keeper came over seeing easy prey and I asked -- "Do you have any of these in the large size, but in yellow?" He went off to look and returned with some options "No, but how about this?" No, this is not the right color; This one isn't the right size. I told him I wanted a high-quality one upon seeing one with a crack. "OHHH, high quality."

He tells us to sit as he goes hunting in all of his buddies shops and after a time brings back quite a nice one and the bartering begins. 1800LE. No way. I say -- "I don't want to insult you" -- and he says, say your number -- "I'll pay 600LE". Which is still way overpriced. Eventually we get it down to 1000LE. I tell him well I'm not so sure, I'm on a budget. I start looking around -- there's a (fake) alabaster sphinx I see. I tell him I would like the sphinx and the bowl for 1000LE. He tries to get me up to 1200LE but I stand my ground, and end up walking away with my bounty.

On the way out -- I ask him -- "Do you know where I can find some bedouin rugs? High-quality -- no polyester, about this size." I've said the magic words again -- 'high quality' -- "Come with me."

So we follow him to one guy's place, who is literally making a rug was we speak. I look through the rugs -- they are all too big. So we go back to his shop and he says to sit and wait and he will look and bring. At this point his cousin shows up to join in on the hunt -- and they discuss what I am looking for. I ask for a soda because I know they will give us some for free since we just dropped $50 on a wooden bowl. The guy brings over a soda but has the gall to say -- 100LE normally ($5) but for you, free. OK buddy.

They can't find anything I like so we depart the shop and walk for five minutes more through the labyrinth of alleys. We find one shop that is not currently open so we head in another direction -- and find a guy with a lot of colorful wool rugs. They meet quality standards -- so he starts pulling out and showing me the options. They are all very bright colors that don't coordinate for a western palette so I'm not very impressed.

Finally -- I see one I like. Black and red with highlights of orange. Quite a bold and attractive pattern. Not my usual colors, but this is well-made and you can tell an artist created it. He pulls out a giant calculator that all Egyptian shopkeeps seem to have -- types in 3800LE -- but - for you -- 2800LE. "No, too high -- I'll pay 1800 and nothing more." He tries to haggle with me but that's all I'm going to spend. He acts like he's making no money which is a crock.

We have to go to an ATM to get more money though so he shows us to the nearest one. On the way back -- "Can you give me 400 now and 1400 in front of the vendor?" Ah, the finder's fee -- and I know I grossly overpaid.

We depart, overpriced souvenirs in hand, and get an uber to another part of Cairo to look for replica watches for Vitali. We came to the address but found the store closed so we decided to walk around the shopping area. Someone selling tissues for money started harassing us until we ducked into a shop -- a sunglasses store, which I actually needed. Problem was... they were all relatively expensive ($100 USD), and I was uncertain on quality/UV protection/let alone if they were authentic. I didn't find anything, so we ubered back to our hotel.

On the left is the local market, on the right the tourist market -- those arched architectural details were the only ones in the entire area though, so a little misleading -- and that photo is the one shown on all the travel blogs. Most of it looked like the left, and even darker and narrower.

We picked up our bags from the hotel and then ubered over to Giza, to the Pyramids Power Inn, which was a small guesthouse overlooking the Giza Necropolis. It actually overlooked the street all the camel and horses come to every night.

We did not see any signs of outright animal abuse... but the street smelled like animals and when we walked to the small store down the road we were dodging puddles of urine and piles of shit.

The only thing we could find at the little store was one yogurt and soda. We'd have to go find some more groceries tomorrow.

That evening we waited for the light show to start on the pyramids viewing from our balcony but not much happened save for some coordinated searchlights. We weren't sure if the show was scaled back during Ramadan or what, because the videos on youtube looked quite different.

We were served breakfast outside on the balcony -- hard boiled eggs, a ton of bread, yogurt, and the ubiquitous honey and fig jam. We departed on foot to the gate of the pyramids to purchase our tickets (600LE each). This would be the true test of our mettle. And sure enough -- as soon as we set foot on the street. "Going to the pyramids?" No. "Camel ride?" No thank you. "Horse ride?" No. "Maybe later?" No.

Luckily the walk was short and we found the nondescript white ticket building and entered. We began walking towards the pyramids and immediately a man in a galabiya moves to intercept. "We don't need a tour guide" I tell him. "Well I am not a tour guide, I am a watchman." And I look at this official looking ID on a chest lanyard. He used the perfect word -- sounding just official enough to keep us from just ignoring him and walking away. We start walking and he is dogging our every step. "I am here to introduce you to the pyramids, I am here to help the tourists", and a whole load of other bullshit which I stopped listening to and started figuring out how soon can we rid ourselves of him. He shows us the Sphinx -- "You will go over there, and then through here", and asks if we want a camel ride. We don't want to ride the camels and I ask -- "Can we walk around the plateau in the sand?" "No, you cannot, it is forbidden."

Okay fine. We tell the guy we don't need a guide or a camel ride and give him 50LE to leave us alone. He acts outraged and Vitali hands him a 100LE and then he leaves. This is the one experience that really makes me mad to think about. Fuck that guy.

So we walk by the Sphinx and through a little temple hall (where another guy tries to pull the watchman trick --- and I ask to read his badge and I read it closely (it's in Arabic) and he realizes we won't be duped and leaves us alone. We intend to walk through the sand to the panoramic viewpoint because we think the "watchman" was full of shit but then we see the camels and beckoning handlers and decide maybe we should ride them since we are here, seeing the Great Pyramids of Giza, the only remaining wonder of the ancient world. The camels look healthy enough, neither wounded or ill. They are much larger in real life than in photos, and we were surprised by their feet -- no hooves, but giant padded hoof-shaped toes, as big as a dinner plate.

So the man tells us 100LE for us both, and we agree. He says we will go to three panoramic points.

You get on a camel while it's sitting in the sand. When it stands up it is quite a surprise and required holding on with both hands and legs! At first I was hooked up to Vitali's camel and that camel was hooked up to the handler's horse. He leads us aways and then disconnects Vitali and just gestures vaguely to continue in that direction. And so we ride through the sand for bit, unsure where we were going or what was going to happen and what to do if the camel suddenly decides he doesn't want to be ridden anymore.

The handler eventually catches up with us and leads us to the first viewpoint. He asks -- "Do you wish to continue? It is a long journey." We should have clarified first if it cost more money. But, we were enjoying ourselves so we agreed to continue. The guy let us drive our own camels around the desert to the next point.

He told me the camel's name that I was riding was Charlie, and that he had had him since he was a little baby. How sweet! We got to the viewpoint and it is spectacular. He hands us a soda which we have to pay for.

All across the necroplis are happy tourists on the backs of horses or camels, being lead by handlers. There are a few souls walking around in the sand by themselves, and nobody is stopping them...

He leads us back towards the pyramids and the journey comes to an end. He asks for 1200LE. I argue with him -- he said at the beginning, he'd take us to 3 panoramic points -- and he says -- no, only one. He said he has to pay the owner of the camels. Wait, he said he'd had Charlie since he was a baby? I told him we only had 800LE and he couldn't have all of our money so he accepted 700LE and left.

I realized later there are multiple blogs about encounters with camels named Charlie...

We wandered around the base of Khufu, Khafre, and Menkaure for a bit and then headed up to the Great Pyramid of Khufu to go inside. We had paid extra for the all inclusive ticket to enter this one. It was way overpriced.

We walked up the side of the pyramid and was told that it's break time from 12-1pm. We looked at our watches -- 11:59. Fuck.

So we go to sit at the base of the pyramid in about 10 inches of shade. It's near 100 degrees now and I am in long sleeves and leggings because otherwise I would offend (although tourists all over are wearing tank tops with bare midriffs). We decide to walk around to the other side and meet a friendly couple from California. We commiserated on getting ripped off everywhere and just as we were departing a man approached and grabbed my scarf and began wrapping it around my head. Of course he wanted a baksheesh but I told him the camel guy took all our money and that we had nothing left, sorry.

We walked around for a bit more, finding all the resting camels and horses around the back of one of the pyramids. We felt sorry for the horses pulling the carriages up the hill -- no water to be found, being whipped, and slipping on the pavement, at least the camels evolved living in the desert. We told at least 6 more touts we had already taken a camel ride and have no more money (wildly effective because they know given the chance, their buddies will take all the money you've got), and finally came back to sit in the small shadow of a pyramid in the noonday sun.

We entered the pyramid (no cameras allowed inside), climbed down a long, deep shaft, and then into a small room which was about 130 degrees and filled with tourists. Worth the $20USD? Probably not, but visiting ancient wonders comes with a lot of FOMO.

This photo cost 5LE.

We walked back to our hotel fending off touts -- "camel ride? horse ride? where are you from? where are you going?" and made it back to the safety of the guesthouse where all we could do was look at each other and say "woof". We walked out to the main road to find some groceries (we found a brand of kettle chips I could eat) -- and some bananas from a juice store. Finally! Bananas! An almost complete source of nutrition. Over our visit in Egypt I bet I ate 60 bananas.

The next day, we ordered an uber down to see the other sites in the area. Saqqara, Memphis, and the Red and Bent Pyramids in the Dahshur necroplis. We planned to uber between the sites to save money -- why spend $100 for a day tour when you can spend $10 for a string of ubers? Oh I know why -- having a tour guide keeps the other touts from harassing you.

The uber driver offered to drive us around the sites we wanted to see and wait for us for a reasonable price so we agreed and headed off to the Red Pyramid first. This pyramid is thought to be the first successful smooth sided pyramid.

We climbed up the side and then descended deep into the darkness. This 36" tall shaft, sloping at 27 degrees for 200 feet, was more difficult than the great pyramid -- and there was no one here -- so the sense of adventure was greater. Vitali very reluctantly followed me in.

We were sweating bullets by the time we got back out. Then we drove over to the Bent Pyramid, which also had a view of the Black Pyramid, crumbling back into sand. The Bent Pyramid is notable as being an intermediary step between the stepped style of pyramid and the later smooth sided pyramids. The architect realized halfway through construction that the angle was too steep and would be prone to catastrophic collapse so he changed the angle from 54 to 43 degrees, causing a visible bend. It is also unusual for having most of its white limestone casing intact, due to larger gaps between stones allowing for expansion and contraction without shedding.

This shaft was even more difficult than the last -- 256' long, and probably 28"-30" tall. It required an awkward duck/crab walk or walking down on your hands and feet backwards. I scraped my back at one spot.

We went down the ramp, up a narrow ladder, up a big flight of stairs, through an even SMALLER tunnel that required crawling (where there was a wonderful breeze), before finally reaching the tomb room, which was full of bats.

We made it out alive and then drove over to the site of Memphis, which was the capital of lower Egypt during the Old Kingdom. It had a huge statue of Rameses II on display.

We went outside to look at the statuary they had on display here and of course here comes a souvenir vendor with a gift. Little turquoise scarabs. "This is just a gift to you from me!" And this old man had such a well-practiced manner of authenticity, we felt compelled to comply when he requested we just come browse his shop before we left.

We managed to get a picture of Vitali with a cop -- the cop wanted a photo?? -- but he requested we not post it on the internet; and then we visited the vendor and bought a little overpriced anubis from him which he claims is lapis but is probably just resin. On the way back to our uber I lost my scarab too.

We headed to Saqqara next which had an incomprehensible system of ticket combinations, upgraded tickets, tickets for this tomb but not that one, while this ticket contains two tombs of your choice. So we bought the base ticket because it was hot, we were getting tired, and grumpy from dehydration.

So we enter, once again fending off touts. The first temple is pretty cool. We walk by the stepped pyramid, the predecessor of the smooth-sided pyramids now ubiquitous.

A young man in a galabiya walked up to me -- "We don't need a guide and don't have any money," I reel off -- but he just wants to talk. I tell him "You guys are quite talented at separating a tourist from their money," and he just laughs, and puts out his hand like you'd go to slap someone's hand in jovial agreement. So I slap his hand. But he grabs my hand and then doesn't let go. So I give it a shake like haha isn't that funny.

And he is still holding on. I start to get worried but thankfully Vitali is just a few feet behind me and when he catches up the guy lets go. I try to leave this guy behind as quickly as possible and I HOPE he sensed how uncomfortable he made me.

A Spanish speaking couple then comes up to us and asked if we knew where a certain tomb was. I pulled up google maps and showed them. They asked if we wanted to go -- we told them we didn't pay for that special ticket, but you can just walk in that direction and you should find it. They seemed very worried and asked me if it was safe to walk over there. I told them it was fine. If you go somewhere you're not supposed to -- a uniform will stop you.

So we wandered around into a few more tombs -- accidentally going into a paid one but the guard was shirking his duties and just hurried us out when he came back to his post -- we were surprised he didn't ask for money. Here we saw the nicest examples of hieroglyphics we had seen yet, some still even with color. We didn't stay for long as it was getting really hot and we were tired and tombed-out.

As we were driving back we told the driver how we were going to Aswan via train and he told us to just go to the Giza station instead of the Ramsis station downtown -- it was faster and closer. Finally! Valuable advice for free. He also let us stop for some bananas and at a drinkies, but the drinkies was closed due to Ramadan.

Mercifully, we were dropped back off at the door of our inn, walking into the gated driveway and closing the door with much relief. Phew.

Upcoming: trains, vans, boats, and planes -- in part two of our thrilling adventure in Egypt and the exhilarating conclusion.